When my good is not enough

It  just cross in my head to make that title above,,hmm,,from a veryyyyyyyy logggnnnngg time ago I always found no difficulty in grasping what I want. Being the youngest in the family create some unwritten privilage that often made all my bros and Sis a bit envy..(I guess, IMHO).Starting from a less portion of work, a tons of Mom’s affection, abundant of free time for watching movie, less restriction of playing corner, etc…Unfprtunately I tend to over-explore those privilages.

This behave posses me a bit more or less at present time. It benefit me in a way that I will always pursue for a perfection but whenever posssible just in a very short and simple way…Hmmm..sometimes,,too many simple way…I tend to think very free,,but only applying this attitude partially..Let say in music I have inconsistency as if my voice tend to be “Pop”, but the way I move like a “R&B plus Hip-Hop”, the way I look like “Jazz”, but the way I think just like “Keroncong”,,,

I found many constable towards my day in my office-school period…Not to say that I am now passed, but still, I feel a bit not competence in such a way,,, I guess this attitude have no good, since it will not bring me to anywhere…I need to pass it on,,I need to mover upwards,, No need to just

Schlumberger…Oil Co or Services…arrgggghhh

Whoaaa… after a very long whinning and wasting time surfing on net, I finally decided to go back again writing my “stuck in my head stuff” right away….I promise this time to be more often to update… Hallelujah….for He so good to have given me chances to feel another career path,,,one company in oil n gas service hirea me for post of junior field engineer..Schlumberger..that is its name…not so many of people I told about recognize this company..But the moment I spoke,,yes..we deal in oil n gas stuff.. What comes in their head is only about getting richhhhhhhhh easily…huhu,,, So damn hard and very tiring to explain that this is not an oil company such Chevron, Total, etc. In fact,,,they are our clients. We provide onsite and offsite oil n gas production services….So just like services company in other fields ..But yes,,we are worldwide,,Why,,,because our clients can have many locations spreaded out all over the world…So wherever clients have their operation and as long as they want us to provide the services..THEN there WHERE WE WILL BE………. I just sign my contract yesterday…I am about to begin my work at SLB for August 3rd,,2008..Thx God, I am positioned at Jakarta fot Home Country Mobile status though sumtime get envy for others that acquire International Mobile status since…of course their rate in dollar while me in IDR…hehehhe Well,,,hope this writing will not easily come to an end,,just like before,,,So many new things need to learnt… Wish me luck all,, Cheers…

Arrogant..define that Madam.. :)

While I got briefing for my Abu Dhabi OFS-1 training plan on August 2-10, 2008 , there were a free session on the early-evening when most of participant left the office…Me, still need to read and sign some documents…

hell,,so many documents though I think it is all for my goodness..hehe

Yepp,,,while I am dealing with paperworks, I spent quite sometime with my recruiter to ask my possible training and school schedule and duration and soon…and I come to my climacs question..

It raise from my curiosity of why She hires me and what make she think I am capable of…and here us what she said :

My lovely recuiter : Bin….you r good, smart and soon,,,But…listen,,don’t be mad Okay..

From the very first time,, I just saw u r so dominating,,u r probably arrogant…

It is good sumtime for ur work,,,but testing dept in Indo,the people work in it so low

profle,, I just think it will be difficult for you to adapt if u  r being arrogant…

Me                       : Whuzzz,,,kind of surprise…wuhuhhh yeaa,, Me,,,arrogant,,,really,,,,

No, Madam,,u r just so wrong, How can I get along so well if me being arrogant,,What have been seen lately or during my the recruiting process,,,It was all hormone stuff….wakakaka,,,, I am far from beiong arrogant… After all what would be me,,,If I, judged as an arrogant person, worked in arrogant-envrontment company (well ,,that is what I heard…)..kekke

But again,,I really respect her judgment..maybe her 25 years experience of seeing people not wholly false…I then replied to her

Me   : Madam,,I just know my self as an bullshitter,,I tend to overspoke,,,I made small thing look enormous

and she just nodded and smile,,,,

So,,,here come my new mission,,,well at least for now..

I will try to oversee my real technical n management skill to be as good as my mouth skill, which by far, my birth-granted talent and I am proud of it..

I will prove to her, that I am not arrogant, even if I have to do so,,It is all will be for working only,,

God, Bless me to put all the burdens as pumping spirit…

Well,,,This is it….

As I recall my day to place this new house,,I put my hope very high that with this new “palace”, it shall be shelter for all of my family. The house will always be the home for love, care and share…This what makes me keep up my spirit to clean the house, to sweep the floor, to keep all stuff cared. It is not an easy things for some lazy person as me to do all this things..Damn,,it is very hard to move up your ass just to iron our own clothes, just to put dirty clothes on washing machine, to clean the water on wastafel with water rinse that is easily got. Gosh,, I keep wondering how my late Mom, could keep up her power, went teaching at work, went home for cleaning the house and never tired to cook a delicious food each and every day..This is my good remembrance to honour her in away of feeling just a bit of what she had done before…

Our new house is really comfortable,,, It is located near my S1-College in Depok,,and for me th esize is quite large, 113 m2. There is not much furniture it is really finally fun to design, arrange and create your own house,,just wish this house will be a start to many positive things to come,,,

Got To Back Now….Byeeee

Self-Judge…

Ayayay,,,I dunno guys,,huh,,my emotional level is very high these days..
It feels like woman who has theri perio,,hehehe..But it is true,,
I keep having this problem and I don’t know how to fix it.

I lose my consiusness everytime I face problem with high pressure. It is not like
I can not handle it, but my style of facing it look very wary and careless. I know
that these is not a good thing since in the future there will be a “hell” lot of
problems to come. I feel like I should learn yoga a bit..It is said o help
slow down your tempere…hmmm sounds great,,,, well back to the problem,,,I keep
asking why this bad attidude keep coming…i guess there is smething wrong from me
from the very first time,,so I start my list of bad attitude with a hope to
evaluate it and yes,,surely fix it….The lists go like this
1. Always thinking negative to other people, if the people, by my personal thought is already bad
2. Aim high dream high, but zero action,,well this will surely start to chane,,,I promise to all of you my friend
3. Lazy,,lazy,,lazy,,huh this should be fixed….Have to..It is a must
4. soon….

This till today that I can think of…at least I am not trying to be selfish…I know this is
a great start by realizing ur weak side….Now the time of change will start to begin… Wish me luck ,,frendozz
 

Hopefully,,,

Ah,,in the middle of working hour, I checked my email and receive message from www.jobstreet.com . It tells me vacant position for Engineer HVAC at Total E&P Indonesie..Dam one of my dream company,,, I started to update my resume, upload new photo and sent it,,,But,,errgggg,,in the end of applicatio,, there is a form asking :

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT AND WHY??

Confuse,, sure,,,but as I said before,,,at least this what I had done in Samsung,,,so I wrote the answer as follows :

    The moment when I finish my first project at my present company where I was given a project that was not initially started by me. That time it felt so heavy to learn and understand the scope of the project, to know many contact persons within immediate time and coordinate with them, arrange meetings and discuss problems during the development stage. It all shocked me, recalling my short years of working and the responsible handed to me. I had to maintain a tight schedule, furthermore the development stage is supposed not to bother the production line (this condition is common in manufacturing plan/factory), Thus it was always a tired and time-consuming during that period.

    But when the project finished, It was all come into fruitfull. I happen to have many advantages, I become more relax in facing pressure, it kept me aware of any incoming problems, improve my stress management level, making my work easier for having recognised many people before and teach me how to be a good leader. Personally I just felt working in such this environment is one of a kind. The nuance felt differ with other line of work as what I had during my internship program at one telecommunication company. The challenge of working in manufacturing environment will always tough but the appreciation is merely low. This very “same typical” situation in manufacturing field is somewhat bothering me, because I would like to work in a company that value people for its working performance regardless age, relatives, gender, race, religion and nationalities.

    For me, working is a must. This is what earn “value” to ourselves. People should never stop to think, work and create something no matter how difficult at any cost. This is what bear in mind and become my constant remembrance through my presence in life. 

hmmhh,, hopefully this answer is sufficient to include me into their list of candidate,,heheeheh,,,,

Well I got to go home right now…Bubyeee………GBU.

The day will come…have a bit passionate will you?

Hmm..Morning you all,,

I try to pour some of my words tou you just to speak up stuff circling around in my head. You may find my write so waste of time but to me it helps to reduce all the bang in my head. At first I try to list several things of my new year resolution within a hope that this will be my constant warn throughout seconds, minutes, hours, days and moths passed.

1. Prepare myself for taking International TOEFL Test (deadline : March 2008)

2. Prepare myself for GMAT and GRE (deadline : April 2008)

3. Search and apply for any scholarship scheme with major Economics, and Engineering

4. Read The Jakarta Post in timely intensive portion to get used with english reading stuff

5. Etc…

I purposely write down “etc” because I think 4 points above are the basic needs that I have to accomplish to make all my future dream come into reality…. 

Me, myself and all this ridiculous feeling

Damn,

It is all started again, I have felt the same feeling again, This time is exacly the same as before, the failure of getting a new job in the first month of this 2008 year…I just lost my sense,,,I do not know how to judge myself at this time. I keep on trying tolook foa an available or vacant post, and keep saving the file on my PC, but why the hell I keep making 2nd thought in participating the test. I tend to think that this might be because there is a bit of afraid feeling of leaving  this company,,,My sense of missing this place already control my mind teh moment I decide to take any test. The feeling initiate others negative feeling like low self-confidence, afraid of technical test, afraid not to pass even just a simple psychological test. But the more I dig up the reason, I came up with one scarry answer that if I have fallen to one bizarre but nice feeling of falling in love to someone in my workplace,, the imagination of leaving her if I were accepted at other company, not being able to see and chat with her, not being able to see her smile from faraway, not being able to show-off anything that I think will make her sight stare at me…arrggghhh,,,,,I hate to accept this fact that she is just a “beatiful mistake” that ever happen in my life,,,and I need to move on and back to my destined path. I know at the right moment, at the right time, there is someone made for me….God, please listen to my honest hope….

Ugly Betty,,,US version

Hollaa,,,,,I am really jobless right now,,,,,so I post my 2nd article just in a bit of minute diffrent with my first,,,hihi you guys don’t be jealous,,,it’s already luch time,,,,hey I just want to review about the serial I am following right now,, “Ugly Betty” the American TV serial,,,perhaps is a redo of its latino original verisone…..hmm the story as usual expose how a really smart, honest and kind woman given a physical appearence that almost nobody will ever hope,,,,fat, curly equip wih iron-teeth,,hehe it seem like a pretty nightmare look like for a woman,,,,haha this is the story how she manage to pursue her career to the top and struggling to keep the love keep on track,,,luckly the very modest and supportive family members are always there fot her,,,,,strengthen her each and every day during a non-conducive friends at work, “relatively stupid and sexyholic”but well handsome boss, etc. Each episode try to expose her uniqueness in facing dileemma, family problems, problem solving with tight headline,, Apart from the main actresess there also build a conflict happen to her boss that apparently her boss’s dad  have a quite dark past time that begin to unreveal nowadays…..All of other conflict beside Betty’s case give a great side story that enrich the whole package…. Even if it is quite different with the original one, but I keep wondering how the hell this ugly Betty end up to become a pretty girl as in the original version,,,coz in my opinion I really have no idea or there ara no clear evidence that this American betty has any potention to becom pretty,,hahahaha,,guess you shoul see the seria by yoursel,,Me, just finish 7th from 24 (I think!!!),,,Happy watching

Du bidab,,dabab

Wel,, it turn out suddenly we are having weekend,,huhuhu,,but I still end up in office,,looking for a dime, felt like it never enough (LOL). Actually besides looking for a dime,,I sometime felt guilty coz I am not doing much of the work,,but though I just have to do it, at least this is right now the best way to enjoy weekend,,,surfing but still paid..hehehehe,,, but I realize that this habbit will finally possesed me and make me to become a dime-greed person,,,and I believe it will torn apart my mental, mindset, future purpose,,,and soon. I just hope that soon I can find a new job that I enjoy working on it…Hmm though I have sent many application but till now there much of rejection and fail in the test (numeric, pshycological, or even at interview)…rrgghh God I just hope that you can show me which path is the best,,,coz I stil trully sure that my present work is not the work that I have been loking for,,, I want to reap borderless succeed, I have managed to learn deeper on telecommunication, oil n gas reading stuff, do “lil bit” of investing, and start involving on foreign exchange, and other financia stuff, I even create my special CV for these three work field and I just wish (and surely followed with efforts) to have my career on above fields,, amazingly if I could have all three…but is sounds to big for now..hhehehehe…..